Sunday, 10 August 2014

Day 4: Sharing is caring

Thanks for all the lovely messages of support thus far. It's amazing how many of you can relate to what I've been talking about.

My decision to share all of this via Latte Mum wasn't taken lightly, but I felt I had uncovered such a big secret in Mindfulness; something that could help us all to become more centred, more present and more excited about life. How could I not share?!

I feel that too often our Facebook pages and blogs and Twitter feeds are flooded with all the amazing holidays / shoes / people / pay rises / angelic cherubs in our life, and we seem too afraid to share the real-life juicy bits too. Well, I'm not ashamed or afraid to say I am not a 2D person living in a virtual world, and that I have struggles and issues like the rest of us. I stress about life too much sometimes, I worry too much about what other people think, I get anxious about getting anxious for no apparent reason. But this is one element of me that makes me who I am, and gives me colour and texture and personality.

I live in a beautiful world, in a beautiful life, with the most amazing people in it. Every day I get to show my children things they've never seen before, and eat lunch with them at their little dining table, and watch their faces light up when I pull out forgotten toys from the depths of the toy basket. Every night I vacuum up the crumbs leftover from all our meals and snacks, and I wipe away all the sticky finger prints, and I tuck two squeaky clean poppets into their beds and kiss them goodnight. I have a husband who loves me, a family that supports me and a roof over my head. I am incredibly, incredibly lucky.

But sometimes, the long-gone sadness of past times or the future worries about things that will probably never happen will creep into my mind. Sometimes the list of chores and tasks and activities I think I need to do will overwhelm me. Sometimes I feel I have no time to breathe or just be. Sometimes it feels like the sometimes have become all-the-times. I'm not afraid to admit it.

Mums are expected to "do it all" - whatever that means. We have to get on with nurturing our little ones, and caring for our families, and working to provide more than is necessary, because we want to and because we just have to. I don't think there's any shame in asking for more help, support and love before we all hit absolute burn-out. I'm thankful I at least have the self-awareness to make some changes now so that I can be the best version of myself.

Day 4 of my Mindfulness meditation is still a challenge. Far from being more focused and concentrated on the present moment, my mind is abuzz with new ideas and future projects and exciting times ahead. At least it's all positive thoughts! If nothing else, this journey is giving me a damn good reason to get writing and sharing with you all, which I'm so happy about.

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